Posted On 21 Jan 2021
See…not everything is good or bad; worry no more!
For example, fire can be bad if it burns you. It can also be good if it warms you on a cold night.
Same thing with worrying. Worry can be what makes you take action and correct something. But if you are constantly thinking of scenarios where things can go wrong, your mind will find it. You are very creative and the mind plays along with you in these scenarios where your imagination will be much worse than it could possibly be.
Additionally, going down this path you will definitely do one thing. This one thing will be to stress yourself about the multiple possibilities you are imagining; thus, creating stressors in your life (read our blog, the Science of Stress)
But do you know what? You don’t have to worry and create stress for yourself. You can break by training your brain to stay calm and look at life from a more positive perspective.
Some believe that by worrying and seeing all the ways something could go bad they are preparing themselves and looking for alternative solutions. Or perhaps you grew up thinking that worrying shows that you care about others’ well-being. How much of this is really true?
Think about what worrying does to your physical body. To your mental state? To your sleep?
Negative beliefs, or worrying about worrying, add to your anxiety as well as your stress and keep it going (much in the same way worrying about getting to sleep often keeps you awake). But positive beliefs about worrying can be even more damaging. It’s tough to break the worry habit if you believe that your worrying protects you.
The one question to ask yourself is, “what is the value of worry?” Remember that unless there’s value in something, we do not do it. Perhaps the value of worrying is that it prevents you from being happy which in the past led to grief; therefore, you’ll do anything to no longer feel that happiness again because you “know” it is followed by pain.
Once you realize that you have been using worry to prevent you from other feelings and emotions you can regain control and allow yourself and your body to relax.
If you must worry …
It’s not about fighting you by telling yourself, “I must not worry”.
Your mind will be constantly thinking about “don’t worry, don’t worry” and all you will do is “worry”. You can test it yourself. It’s like someone telling you not to remember not to think about the pink elephant! Now, what are you doing? Thinking about the pink elephant? Yup…same thing.
If you must worry…give yourself time to do so. Set aside 10 or 15 minutes on a daily basis or weekly (as you advance) where all you do is worry to your heart’s content. It’s better if the time is the same every day and best if not too close to bedtime. If you start worrying outside this “worry” window of time, make a note and wait until the determined time and continue with your day.
When your “worry” time arrives, if you have a list of worries review them. See how it feels. Determine if you still need to worry about them, if not move on to the next item. If you do need to worry about them, do so and then move on with your day.
The key here is to catch yourself when you start worrying outside the window of opportunity. This is where the habit will start to change and in order to create muscle memory, it’s best if you do this for 40 days for the best results of having control over your thoughts.
Can I solve this problem?
Sometimes worrying makes us feel that we are helping the situation. We’re looking at the situation from all angles and looking for solutions…but did you know that worrying and solving a problem are two different things?
When you are looking for solutions to a problem you think differently. You come up with steps to handle the problem, look at possible outcomes, and then put the plan into action. Now, let’s take a look at what happens when you worry. Can you think clearly? No. Your mind takes you into worst-case scenarios which can be quite traumatic because the thoughts are not good outcomes and you are nowhere near to being prepared to deal with them should they actualize.
One way to deal with this is to ask yourself, this is a problem that is within my means to solve? In other words, can I control the situation?
If the answer is “yes” then from a neutral place, it’s time to start making choices, make a plan and execute the plan. For example, if you are worried you’ll lose your job (it doesn’t really matter the reason why you’ll lose your job). Think about what would you like to do next. Would you like to continue in the career you’re in or perhaps you’d like to start in something different? How ready are you for your next step – a new job or a new career? If you feel you are lacking certain skills, now is the time to learn them. Next would be to start networking, and so on…
The key is to focus on the things you have the power to change because you are in control of them. Focusing on the circumstances or realities beyond your control is futile and will only take you on a downward spiral of anxiety, stress, and perhaps even depression.
My go-to quote is the Serenity Prayer, “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference”.
One other tip…
Pay attention when the worries come to mind…are you focused on the past, present, or future? More than likely, you’ll be focused on the future and what will happen, and how badly it will affect you. Come back to the now…live in the now.
One simple way of doing this is to say your full name three times. It gets you in the now. Use the “worry” window to retrain your brain and pay attention to your body and your feelings.
As always, our team is here to help, or perhaps one of our Stress Management workshops would work better for you. Remember that all our work does not require disclosure; therefore, you don’t have to tell us anything about what is causing your worry, stress, anxiety, etc. Some people like this because they feel that the root of the problem is too embarrassing to talk about and they’d rather live with the problem.